Wendy Wife

Happiness is a tutu...

2009-12-02T11:42:00.001Z

this is just a little something crossing my mind...

My girly is now 6 years old, now 6 for some girly's is when they are playing with Bratz dolls, indulging in High School Musical, obsessing over Hannah Montana, coveting their mini-me friends (or at least Suri Cruise's high heel shoes) they want IPods and DS's and even a mini bra as worn by one in girly's class!

But for me and my 6 year old girly there is still all the time in the world for that to happen, currently she is more than content, playing within the land of Sylvania, whirling & twirling in front of a mirror... disappearing with a packed lunch & a few well chosen essentials into fairy world (or the garden at least..) which leads me nicely to happiness... which Father Christmas will deliver this year in the form of a beautiful green (not Barbie pink) tutu, beautifully made, by Harriet a The Children's Jewellery Company whom I only happened to know about through the marvellous world that is Twitter!

Here is a photo of the lovely happiness inducing tutu (obviously not being worn... it has to go to Father Christmas for delivery on... errrm Christmas day)

I am 100% sure that this tutu & the accompanying fairy wings will be spending a huge amount of time (probably to the point of being worn out) adorning my daughter! They shall no doubt be integral to visits to fairyland, impromptu dance performances and more than likely a party of two.

The Children's Jewellery Company also sell gorgeous jewellery and hair accessories! Check out Harriet's website here - www.thechildrensjewellerycompany.co.uk

40! And Past It???

2009-11-30T13:35:00.003Z

I am perturbed! On having a general 'mummy chat' in the playground with regards to the future possibility of having more babies.... I was included in a 'friend's' and I use that term loosely, comment.. "When you get to 'our' (meaning herself and me) age, I think you're past it". Yes an off the cuff comment, with regards to her feelings on extending her family, however, I take a few issues...

1) I am 32 and not the 40 whole years which she is!

2) What kind of attitude is that to have!

Unusually, this comment has gotten me pondering, normally I am adept at shrugging off all the opinions & gossip of others, of which I seem to feature regularly! But this one sticks with me... and why? Is it because subconsciously ageing worries me? Is it because I am outwardly worried I am appearing to be 8 years older than what I am? Is it because yet again I am standing with a group of mummy's wondering what exactly makes some people just splurt out whatever happens to pass through their mind?

So after stamping home, checking thoroughly in the mirror for signs of wrinkles, the requirement for Botox, weighing up the possibility of needing a rejuvenating diet overhaul & intensive Private Benjamin style workout schedule... I decide the following (over I might add, a nice cup of tea & a homemade cookie)

I obviously come across to people as being wise & knowledgeable beyond my years, giving me a general air of wisdom, sophistication and grace! I need to choose more carefully with whom I stand with in the playground, therefore avoiding such public errors in future. Im also struck by how incredibly sad it must be to feel that at 40 you are past it! Babies, life, whatever?? I am genuinely hoping that by the time I reach the fabulous age of 40 Im still very much with it as apposed to past it!

... can't harm to drink a little more water though, maybe perhaps tone up a little... consume a few more antioxidants...

OR work on my left hook!

Irrational Irritation

2009-11-24T13:23:00.005Z

possibly also known as PMS....

Today alas, I do find myself on the verge of quite immense irritation and am finding self to be annoyed at itsy little nothingness.. Lets start at school shall we?

Blue Thursday - short notice cyber bullying campaign hurled at me by school, aim, I'm not entirely sure of, result me running around trying to find girly a suitable blue outfit for the fashion & style conscious infant. Success with leggings & smock style top, only to be left hanging in the cupboard as she does not attend due to illness - I could have donated the bloody money to the bizarre and little known blue cyberbullying charity and saved time & effort - boy who does attend school is given a bright blue biscuit made with entirely hyperactivity inducing ingredients and popped home for mummy to enjoy the benefits.

Bring chocolate to school Monday - each child to traipse off into school with immense body sized bar of chocolate in effort to be more generous than the other mummy's - all chocolate into a chocolate tombola for the esteemed school fair.

Send your child to school dressed as a Victorian school child Thursday.... shall spend from now until then searching out old clothes, rolling them around in smuts and soot and ripping edges, in effort to reproduce two cold shivering, scantily dressed, snotty nosed, rickets suffering, contagious disease ridden children to deposit (after an early morning visit to Doctor for swine flu jab dressed as a tramp & risk run of a report to social services) at school.

Bring a bottle to school Friday - send both children into school precariously bearing bottle of wine ('tis Teachers wino Friday, cunningly disguised as community spirited bottle raffle to be held at the Christmas fair)

Which indeeds brings me to the Christmas Fair Sunday, at which although I have no recollection of actually agreeing to partake, am to find myself as a Christmas Fair Stall Keeper.

Which leads me to believe that this has been drive mummy mad week! Made worse by fact that my soup is too volcanically hot to put into mouth, therefore huffing & puffing to blow my soup cool, therefore consumption extremely slow, therefore hindering progress on any of the aforementioned items. And to add insult.. cat has jumped onto kitchen side & licked the tops of all the freshly baked bread rolls ARRGGGH!

And yes I know there are billions of people in far more dire a situation, but as I said right at the beginning this is Irrational Irritation post & so I'm covered!

Breakfast Time

2009-11-20T16:26:00.007Z

Firstly let me tell you a little story all about family breakfast time & it goes... like this! The story tends to be centred around the pregnant musings of my head some 6 years ago..

The family breakfast - as I walk into my beautiful bespoke kitchen, within my country home, having walked past the grandfather clock ticking contentedly to the 8.15 am mark, I pull up the Cath Kidston window blind to reveal an endearing sunrise breaking on the distant (over the fields & far away) horizon. The range is giving off a pleasant warm heat and the shiny red kettle is just beginning to whistle in readiness of providing a welcome pot of tea. Shortly after consuming a cup of tea in quiet contemplation, a cheery bright eyed girly arrives, in cosy pink gingham pyjamas and little boot fluffy slippers hand in hand with a tiny big grinned boy, with cheeky curly hair in soft as velvet mini long john bedwear. They skip into the kitchen lavishing morning hugs & kisses onto a well rested mummy.

They take their places along with daddy, in his casual aran knit jumper, flicking through The Times. Both children heartily tuck into a steaming bowl of porridge drizzled creatively with maple syrup spun into heart shapes, and a train for the boy. Once finished, they beam up thankful smiles as I present them with a soft boiled egg, homemade bread lightly toasted to perfection, with lickings of soft unsalted butter. They thank me politely and devour in culinary appreciation, whilst sipping whole milk (not the homogenised variety) from little hand made coloured glasses through a stripy straw.

and now for the reality.

Its 7am, I bumble into the kitchen of my town situated semi detached new build house with view of the garden & 8ft high fence, the kitchen blind is not down (and not from Cath Kidston), its still dark, there is no sunrise as its raining & cloud cover is thick. The central heating is just coming on, daddy has already gone to work & I hurriedly rush to make a cup of tea using freshly boiled water from my whistling red kettle to drink in peace.

Being a nice mummy I am known to offer an array of breakfast lovely treats:-

- pancakes (various toppings, fruit, maple syrup, golden syrup, sugar&lemon

nutella) even edible glitter on birthdays, high days & holidays

- variety of toasted items, English muffins, crumpets, bagels, homemade bread

with an endless array of toppings jam, syrup, chocolate, eggs, bacon, sausage,

ham, cheese...

- Full English... bacon, sausages, eggs, hash browns, grilled tomatoes, mushrooms

- Continental option... croissants, pain-au-chocolate, fruit, yoghurt's, french toast

- Cereals.... only the proper ones porridge & muesli

- And on a weekend I've even been known to fry up a huge pan of mexican

themed breakfast... chorizo, red peppers, huge ripe vine tomatoes, red onions,

eggs fried in with the mix... with a nice big helping of grated chocolate & fresh

red chilli stirred in.... with homemade bread to soak the juices (oooo personal

favourite & think shall probably have to make this Sunday as desire has been

aroused)

- And have on occasion rustled up American muffin, oats & apple, carrot, chocolate

chip etc.

And the children, they grumpily arise from bed & stamp downstairs, girly always in a big bad morning mood... boyo thumb in mouth, blanket on head.. walking & talking but still asleep... they come into the kitchen, sit at the table... and do they want breakfast NO! And did daddy have any breakfast NO!

And the lesson Breakfast is the most important meal of the day... but not as important as the desire to eat it.

The Swine Flu Days

2009-10-28T19:17:00.006Z

For the past 4 weeks the delights of swine flu have been circulating within my house. First down was husband, followed by girly a week or so later, followed by boyo & eventually me. Now let me say... on the 'not' so overly helpful government website swine flu is defined by:

A raised temperature & 2 or more of the following:-

- sudden cough

- sore throat

- aches & pains

- general tiredness

- sickness

- diarrhoea

a true case, as we have all suffered to find out is actually every damn one of those symptoms following in slow progression & an everlasting lung damaging, incontinence inducing cough!

Husband being first sufferer - I valiantly offered to go & get Tamiflu - when eventually found all relevant identification for sufferer & self, negotiated the on the door security, queued up leaving the appropriate 1/2 metre gap between queue occupants, for what was such a long time, I felt a sense of camaraderie & spirit of the Blitz with my fellow queue'rs

Once back home with the prized Tamiflu, glass of water in hand, have quick glance through safety information and decide that the A4 list of common & rare side affects including, hallucination, heart irregularities... etc... etc.. which maybe fatal... sickness... nausea... nightmares.. Decide after all won't bother & will ride it out.

And many sleepless nights follow as continuously checking children are still breathing, not suffering complications, haven't lapsed into coma, have fevers under control & haven't dropped dead!

Being a sufferer of swine flu completely inhibits ability to carry out any normal life functions i.e. cook, clean, sleep, walk, shop.... and house thus ends up practically needing a visit from Kim & Aggie, and weeks of super noodles, waffles, take away food & packet soup with the occasional carton of orange juice, litres of ice-cream & bloody lollipops start to take their toll! Particularly when combined with diet of daytime television.

And what have I learned from the experience:-

1) highly likely daytime television & convenience food are root cause of depression

2) swine flu renders one absolutely unable to order anything like the correct food shopping due to huge brain issue with thinking

3) people avoid you at all costs! & thus end up a hermit with a serious Twitter-holic condition

4) after 4 weeks of either being ill or suiting ones self because mummy is ill, children are

notoriously difficult to bring back into any sort of routine or discipline!!!

5) finally Calpol only comes in ridiculously tiny bottles, which are disallowed to buy in bulk as

you are viewed as a neurotic idiotic careless person unable to administer 5ml as oppose to 5 bottles

dramatic ..... me .... Never!

First Full Week At School

2009-09-18T12:07:00.003+01:00

The culmination of 4 years & 4 weeks of my 'good' parenting has been reached & Boyo is just completing his first full week at school as I write. We started off on Monday, full of enthusiasm, putting on his own big boy uniform, shoes, carrying bags etc (this has slowly become more mummy led) as the week wore on. But nonetheless, he appeared to have enjoyed his introduction into his seemingly endless school life.

Not be overlooked is a small misunderstanding regarding the good children sticker system mid-week which led to buckets of tears at bedtime (he not being the recipient of such accolade), mummy (that's me) dutifully gave an explanation into how being good means you get team points, and if you win (by having the most in your colour coded group) then you receive a good child sticker. A slightly long winded system for a little person to understand but hey. Secretly though feel like going out and buying the most fabulous iridescent , flashing, glittered, bloody singing a chorus of praise stickers and plastering them on him as he comes out of school. (Obviously I know this is very wrong & would be frowned upon greatly...)

Equally un-overlookable is the fact that I was called into school at the end of yesterday to discuss his unacceptable 'rough & boisterous" behaviour & the fact he chases the other children with sticks, and when this is explained to him as not being the right thing to do he closes his eyes & won't look at the reprimander. Consequently I am shouted in from the playground infront of all the other mummy's and I am now sat on a 6 inch high, far to small for bottom chair whilst being told off by teacher regarding his actions. She explains to me everything in easy to understand language whilst speaking very slow & clearly and for this I am 'eternally' grateful as if spoken to like an adult their is a chance I would not have understood!! (note sarcasm in writing). And so I sit graciously listening to her advice and opinions, and .... do I say anything, do I voice my opinion (especially the one about why they are letting him run around with a stick..) NO! It is actually as if I am 4 myself & on the verge of tears.

I stomp home, seething as although this is entirely not what happened it somehow was interpreted by my brain as **You Mrs. Mallins are a very shit mother who clearly has no control over her son & needs to attend a parenting degree class with great urgency, she then stuck two fingers up at me & went off to the staff room to discuss my incapability & the fact my nail varnish was a little chipped***

Today in dutiful mummy who wants the teacher to like her bestest mode I shall construct a bloody fabulous amazing star chart with glittery stars (in my best Supernanny effort) to encourage my child to be good at school with the promised reward of 5 stars (1 for each day) = a dinosaur

Failed Blogger

2009-08-26T19:39:00.001+01:00

Hmmmm such good blogging intentions of my summer with the kids, and I have been reduced to one tiny blog in the last week of school holiday. Busy, demanding and hardwork do not begin to describe my summer, alas it did not turn out entirely to be relaxed and easy, but never the less, I have enjoyed spending the time with them.

Swine Flu

2009-07-18T07:56:00.003+01:00

Now fear one or all of the following my ensue:

all in world will catch swine flu
most will die
Britain will go to war with Czech, Russia & Germany in order to seize our vaccines
Britain will disengage the coalition with US on war on terror
Britain will become vulnerable to terrorists as 200% of us will have swine flu at any one time
Schools will remain closed & mothers may have to spend time looking after their own children, in their own homes
Economy will grind to halt as all mothers will be at home
Crosses will be painted on doors to indicate a death as per 1918
Supermarkets, will not only be unstafffed (as mummies all at home) but looted
General civil unrest will occur & not enough armed forces personnel to deal with resulting riotous behavior as scantily fighting numerous wars.
People will be forced to cook wholesome, bolstering broths to nourish their families and won't know the best way to set about combining pot noodle and microwave only chilli.
The only people left in Britain will be those over 70 who have some immunity from 1918 apparently & then they will have to sell their homes to each other so that they can pay for nursing home fees.
Armageddon

Now, when everyone has succumbed and is dead in pre prepared mass government graves, don't say I didn't warn you!

Northumberland - Last Minute Camping Trip

2009-07-12T21:34:00.002+01:00

Saturday morning.. not a lot happening planned a picnic at Dunham Massey, but then last minute change of plan in search of something a little more exciting, so 8am a camping trip is decided upon, by 9.30am tent, sleeping bags, camping paraphernalia, kids all packed into the car for a magical mystery camping tour.

Few hours & only one wee stop later, we arrive in Bamburgh, never been before and truly most unspoilt lovely area of Britain, packed with beautiful tranquil scenery, wildlife, fabulous beaches, castles & general exploring landscape.

All campsites packed out and full.... several miles & many a site later, we find a very reasonably priced £18 all in! site with primitive (particularly in the cleanliness area) ever the watch word. However great location so pitch up.

Afternoon spent on St Aidans dunes & beach, beautiful big surf waves, sunshine, happy children, typically fish & chips for dinner, beautiful evening playing & reading with the children & then the farcical getting children to sleep in a tent QUIETLY.

Sunday, lovely day, trip over to Holy Island to visit Lindesfarne Castle a definite must see NT property, amazing rock pooly beaches perfect for little explorers and fabulous breathtaking views of all the surrounding coast. One tip would be to let someone else double check the reading of tide times (i clearly was not entirely accurate.. overcome with the pressure of getting it right & visions of RAF rescue missions)

Then, enroute back to Manchester time to squeeze a visit in to Souter Lighthouse, beautiful building, thoroughly interesting history first to use electricity don't you know & scenery to die for, long trek through a slightly rough looking area of Sunderland to reach it though, most contrasting!

And... back home, where children morph from chilled nature angels to sleep resistant, bad tempered monsters. And alas, almost 10pm, children fast asleep, house full of loads of washing from just one night away?? How?

Really do want to live by the sea, wanted every house on Holy Island, and sadly when blowing hair with dryer, could close eyes and imagine it was the sea breeze!

Bored!

2009-07-10T18:19:00.004+01:00

Having a tad of a boring day today. Have got much crossness & irritability to the point where am actually getting on my own nerves nagging at the children!

Wish for something exciting to do or happen, as the way things currently stand, the most exciting thing that I did today, was find and dispose of a drowned mouse (a swollen, bloated, water maggoty (not sure if they exist) mouse, at the time housed in stinky yak water collecting plant pot).

Amazing, that as revolting this episode was, the mouse had to be carefully looked at and death of discussed in detail by boyo, who could not have been more delighted to be caught up the drama.

Well, rant completed I'm already starting to feel more heartened & feel a glass or two of Chardonnay will restore my eternal optimism no end.

Now if only I could decide on what to eat for dinner.... oo decisions, decisions.

Equal Opportunities

2009-07-09T18:36:00.005+01:00

Having to intervene in what was quickly becoming a large scale, far escalating argument/war between children who may I mention are 6 and 3 years old. The basis of this war is whether boys can do all the jobs girls can. My daughter adamant they indeed cannot, whereas boyo equally adamant they indeed can. Shouting over the top of the roaring & in an ever educating manner, I happily announce that boys and girls can both do all the jobs in the world just as well as each other.

This sadly is when girly tells me most indignantly that boys cannot be sexy girls.... i'm answerless and have to concede.

Gap between equal opportunities & current school education = very wide

Alas, its time for Charlie & Lola

Have actually created blog

2009-07-09T13:09:00.000+01:00

Imagine my surprise, after talking about it and pondering over it, I have actually not only created a Twitter account & subsequently become utterly addicted, but gone one step further and created a blog. Immensely satisfying as have been meaning to pen down thoughts for huge amount of time. Very pleased with self as have done this momentous task all by self, without help from IT professional husband, who actually by default commandeers all technological undertakings, from electrical wire coordinating to fabulous feats of an computer nature.